rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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