it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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