just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
