I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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