if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
