Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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