I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
