Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
