Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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