I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
