i was born a porn star she said
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
