Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
