woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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