you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
