And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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