dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
