Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
