I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
