never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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