i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
4 words: hood of his car
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We need to get me chipped asap
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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