Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
