I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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