idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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