I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
