so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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