the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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