Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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