i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
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like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.