She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
