Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine

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(248): i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine http://tfl.nu/gbjn

Replies (4) Good night (1352) Bad night (523)
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(417): View more from Missouri

true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!

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(417): true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever! http://tfl.nu/5efq

Replies (14) Good night (920) Bad night (2725)
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(845): View more from New York

This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.

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(845): This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin. http://tfl.nu/f5uz

Replies (45) Good night (805) Bad night (8085)
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(404): View more from Georgia

to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy

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(404): to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy http://tfl.nu/vv9t

Replies (23) Good night (7256) Bad night (909)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.

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(405): he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever. http://tfl.nu/wct5

Replies (15) Good night (1268) Bad night (5699)
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(303): View more from Colorado

The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened

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(303): The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened http://tfl.nu/m273

Replies (3) Good night (3672) Bad night (1197)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages

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(815): I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages http://tfl.nu/m114

Replies (4) Good night (726) Bad night (2184)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.

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(440): Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies. http://tfl.nu/iuff

Replies (14) Good night (2314) Bad night (1820)
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(515): View more from Iowa

We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.

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(515): We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high. http://tfl.nu/7iqu

Replies (13) Good night (1226) Bad night (401)
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(970): View more from Colorado

You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.

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(970): You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday. http://tfl.nu/28cn

Replies (2) Good night (810) Bad night (297)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom

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(709): He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom http://tfl.nu/rh7h

Replies (11) Good night (737) Bad night (331)
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(303): View more from Colorado

No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.

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(303): No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities. http://tfl.nu/n27f

Replies (1) Good night (605) Bad night (259)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.

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(404): Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat. http://tfl.nu/fqqq

Replies (4) Good night (1577) Bad night (473)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention

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(610): I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention http://tfl.nu/bnw5

Replies (4) Good night (588) Bad night (287)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...

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(443): Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume... http://tfl.nu/owv3

Replies (7) Good night (545) Bad night (247)

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