Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird