Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.