FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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