dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"