can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team