Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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