Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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