If i come over, it means nothing
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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