We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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