ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
