you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Life is so much better after having sex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
