I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
