I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Randomize
