is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
