sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
