He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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