i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
