Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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