don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
