Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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