Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my shit smells like andre
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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