Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
