Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
