So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
