at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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