just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
