She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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