there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Blood and glitter go together right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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