I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
