no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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