I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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