Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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