I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
