We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
