What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
