my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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