It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
