Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
