um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
